I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
