He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
