so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
