Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize