I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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