I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry about my life...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
