God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well you can't waste a boner
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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