Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
