I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
