Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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