4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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