Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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