I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
