I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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