You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
