I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
