I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
