I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
