i barfeds in our rink
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
