final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
