you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
