I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize