Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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