if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
