your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
