Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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