I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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