I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
