I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
