So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize