I wanna bring you to show and tell
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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