On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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