Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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