I just cut my nipple shaving
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
