Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
