At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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