Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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