K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
