I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
