I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
