my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
