I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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