i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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