Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
