My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
