I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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