his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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