what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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