i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize