you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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