i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
