I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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