i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
