so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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