Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize